Taming the Tiger, Unleashing the Dragon: An Evolved Paradigm for Empowering Children

We're taking a detour today to talk about math education

We interrupt out regularly scheduled programming to diverge into another topic that I am quite opinionated on, and that’s Math Education for kids. Please bear with me.

I recently came across the following math blog. Which struck a nerve you could say. I read it b/c I’m a BSG nerd (both of the original series I watched as a child, and of the remake done in the early 2000’s.)

https://mathwithbaddrawings.com/2023/12/18/the-battlestar-galactica-theory-of-math-education/

TLDR on the originating article

This is an article about the history of math education.

• It discusses the ongoing debate about whether math education should emphasize rote memorization or conceptual understanding.

• The author argues that both sides of this debate share a common assumption: that math education shapes the way we think.

• However, the author questions this assumption and suggests that perhaps math education should simply be about math.

• For the purposes of this discussion, I’m going to refer to the Rote Memorization method as the Cylon method (i.e. the intelligent robots from BSG) and the “Conceptual understanding” method (i.e. the Common Core method) as the Human method.

Why I Care

If you’ve been keeping up, you have probably figured out that I’m a very opinionated person. I happen to have strong opinions on this topic:

1. Because I’m Asian

2. Because I’ve lived through it with my two sons

3. Because my academic background is heavily based on math and engineering

4. There seems to be a lack of critical thinking on approach to the subject.

5. Math really does shape the way you think. If you want to produce people who have critical thinking skills, they need to have solid math skills, along with some solid skills in expository essay writing (which is why math and English are the two most important subjects.)

Math makes minds.

I’ve long operated on this same principle. Vital to a free and thriving intellect—and thus, to a free and thriving society—is great mathematical thinking, whatever that is. - Mathwithbaddrawing.com by Ben Orlin

My perspective is coming from that of a “Tiger Dad”…..

Just so you understand. I’m very much a traditional Asian parent with many traditional Asian parent expectations, values, and standards. I’m what you could call a “Tiger Dad.” This term comes from a book published in 2011 by Amy Chau a “Tiger Mom.” Her book can be found at the link below.

Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother: https://amzn.to/3Xx6ol1

TLDR - What the heck is a Tiger Dad?

A "Tiger Mom/Dad/Parent" refers to a strict and demanding parenting style typically associated with Asian mothers, although it can be found across cultures. This term gained popularity from Amy Chua's 2011 memoir "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother," in which she detailed her strict parenting approach.  

Key characteristics of a Tiger Mom/Parent:

• High expectations for academic achievement: “Tiger” Parents push their children to excel in school, often setting stringent standards and requiring long hours of study and practice.  The acceptable minimum grade for my boys was 92%. Not because I always felt that that was achievable in every instance, but because I knew that if they shot for 92%, they’d at least hit 86% (the minimum cut-off for an A where we lived.) I followed that up with the motto, “There ain’t nothing wrong with 100%.) In order to attempt to mitigate instilling a sense of perfectionism (of which I am 100% guilty of being a perfectionist.) I would also tell them it’s totally ok to make mistakes when the time to perform is not critical. i.e., if you get a lower grade on a pop quiz, that’s ok as long as you learn from it and shore up what you didn’t get correct so that when a midterm or final comes around, you can ace it.

  • (A related Asian parent joke is - your kid comes home with a grade of 99%, and instead of congratulating them, your first reaction is to ask, “What happened to the 1%? - Let’s find and fix the 1%.)

• Emphasis on extracurricular activities: They encourage their children to participate in high-status activities like music and/or sports to enhance their resumes and future prospects. Both my kids played instruments (Classical Guitar and Violin); one did gymnastics and played football, while the other took Kung Fu. The rationale is that music training builds perseverance, enhances cognitive development, and hence, educational achievement (some pregnant Asian mamas will even play classical music and hold an earbud or speaker to their belly.), brings a sense of cultural appreciation and sophistication, and helps to build character. For sports, our rationale was to build confidence and healthy lifestyles and provide a physical outlet for the stresses and pressures of a Tiger Parent regime - (and nothing builds confidence in a boy like fighting skills and weight lifting to put on muscle mass and great endurance.) I was also impressed by the values/ethics of football coaches in the American South - and I was not disappointed. Faith, Family, Football, learning to “grind it out” if you hit obstacles, “to get back up if you are down,” and to “never quit” even when you are behind in a game and are likely to lose. Invaluable skills to cultivate in young people.

• Limited social life and playtime: Tiger Parents prioritize academic pursuits over leisure activities, believing that free time detracts from achieving success. I agree with the sentiment that too much free time leads to kids getting into trouble or developing bad habits. All playtime activities were based on a reward system. Each boy had a daily chart with things they had to do and check off to get that day’s reward such as playing video games, watching TV, candy, etc. There were also weekly rewards for successfully completing a week where every day was completed successfully. If there is one thing I wish in hindsight I’d done better, it was in the daily/weekly rewards. A reward/goal and objective tied to each outcome you want to drive. You can’t be all stick; there needs to be a juicy carrot hung out there too. For one son, it was a very expensive electric guitar (then guitar pedals, loop stations, etc), for the other, a likewise expensive electric violin. I’d suggest keeping the rewards a little more modest. The guitar was $1000 all said and done, the violin was $1300. The loop station was $500. I probably could have done better at this part of the “program” by having more rewards that were less expensive. (The $ value doesn’t always equate in the child’s mind to the magnitude of the reward.)

• Strict discipline: Tiger Parents often employ strict rules and punishments to ensure their children comply with their expectations.  I established very clear boundaries that, when crossed, resulted in greater punishments. For example, one rule was no TV or video games during the week, and as soon as you came home from school it was homework first and play second. This didn’t always work. The initial punishment was grounding off video games and TV for a week. By the time this rule was violated the 3rd time, I had upped the ante and set the grounding off of video games to 1 year. I don’t think they believed me, but they found out; the next time I caught them playing video games before completing their homework, I took the Nintendo away for an entire year. Honestly, I felt horrible doing it and wished I could take it back (maybe make it only a month or three), but I had already said it, and if I wanted them to take me at my word, I had to stick to my word, too.

Criticism of the Tiger Mom approach

While this method of parenting can produce high-achieving children, critics complain that it also has potential drawbacks, such as increased anxiety and stress, decreased self-esteem, and strained parent-child relationships. The approach has sparked debate about the balance between pushing children to succeed and nurturing their well-being.  

Many of these complaints are warranted. Any approach needs to be tailored to a child's personality —the “softer” a child’s personality, i.e. the more they are a people pleaser type of person, the more cautious you need to be about creating anxiety, and the more you need to use a reward/goal-based approach. - But your reaction can be itself a reward. In this case where a child will work to please you, try a “pull” based approach where incentives - and your reaction to their success help create self-motivation for success. You will also have to help them learn to do things for their own sense of fulfillment and pleasure so make sure you help them lean to celebrate their successes.

That’s why I’ve titled this article the Taming the Tiger and Releasing the Dragon. In Chinese thought - the Tiger is strong, ferocious, and brave, Often rushing to attack or act but without wisdom or thought. The Dragon is strong and wise, and symbolizes change, growth, and the pursuit of higher aspirations.

Getting your thinking right

No goal can be achieved if your thinking is marred by delusions. So, in this article I’ll address what I believe are myths and ways of looking at thing that are unhelpful to it goal.